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"Truly Alive" by Leandra Smith

Leandra Smith posted this remarkable message to the CANCER-L mailing list in August 1996.


Just thought I'd share with all of you a wonderful experience I had yesterday. I went to the ocean here in San Diego and it was so beautiful outside. It was around 77 degrees and the water was around 70. There was a slight breeze and the beaches weren't too crowded. I went with my friend Roxanne and her boyfriend/surferdude Oden. I brought a giant parasol and sat underneath it in the shade (my skin has not been the same since radiation). I just laid on the sand and listened to the crash of the waves and the crowing of the seagulls and the laughs of the nearby children.

Then I decided to jump into the crashing surf and wash away all of my frustration and tension. It was my first time back into the water since radiation, my burns are finally healed. It was so incredible; the taste of the salt water, the weightless floating and being rocked by the gentle currents. I played in the surf and swam into the deep waters, letting the ocean cradle me and rock me.

Then I walked with my friends and we went to the tide pools. The tide was coming in and we sat on the rocks and watched the waves crash into the shore. Each wave would produce three wonderful crashes and explosions of surf into the rocks. I positioned myself within two feet of the crashing surf and miraculously could sit that close and not get wet. When the initial wave would hit, the white foam would explode right in front of me. I could see the wet drops freeze briefly in the air like fireworks. It looked as if it would come straight for me and drench me, but at the last minute it would fall straight down and land on the rock in front of me. The giant waves looked as if they would produce huge explosions, but it was the smaller waves, the less evident ones, that would produce the larger effects so when the snuck up on you it was so unexpected and exciting. I sat for an hour watching the waves crash and looking at the setting sun over the Pacific....... I sat for an hour feeling the gentle misting of sea air and waves made into one breeze across my skin. For that hour I was truly alive.

I hope you all enjoyed my ocean visit, I know I sure did.

With love and hope to you all...........................Leandra


EDITORS NOTE: Leandra Smith died in the Fall of 1998 - she was a beautiful soul who will be missed


Read Leandra's story of her battle with synovial sarcoma.

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This CancerGuide Page By Leandra Smith. © Leandra Smith
Last Updated: Mar 8, 1999